Do you hear people talking about meditation and roll your eyes into the back of your head or mentally check out? It seems like it is the recent fad and all the fit moms that have their shit together are doing it? I used to think the same thing when I heard people talk about meditation. I used to think it was a thing for hippies and tree huggers. Until one day my life came crashing down around me, I couldn’t gather a breath and I thought I was having a heart attack. I was standing in the lobby of my job once again being berated by my boss who made it his life’s mission to steal every ounce of my dignity and joy. I had always struggled with feelings of being worthless or unwanted and since I had been assigned this boss he made sure I had no doubt in my mind how worthless I was. He would call me a glorified secretary, remind me I was “just” an assistant and many other demeaning titles he would throw about me. Not that being a secretary or an assistance is a demeaning job but the way he treated me was too much for me to bear any longer.
“I lost it right there in the middle of work in front of all the staff.”
I had asked him if I could have my daughters birthday off that was coming up and he was telling me I couldn’t, because she was dead and there was no reason to celebrate it. I lost it right there in the middle of work in front of all the staff. That’s right, crumbled to the floor as if he was physically hurling punches at me, unable to catch a breath, tears burning my cheeks not able to control what was happening. I had put up with so much abuse telling myself I deserved it and that I couldn’t get a better job and was stuck where I was, that my body physically started to fight against me and shut down that very moment. I was sent to the hospital with what was diagnosed with a panic attack and PTSD. My life had not been easy up until this point but this man caused me to fall over the edge.
In a way this horrible treatment from this boss was a hidden blessing. I have learned to become somewhat appreciative of the mental break down he caused me to have. The reason you may ask, because it caused me to pause and smell the Roses. I had lost my first daughter eight years before this and had never stopped and allowed myself to grieve or heal from her passing. I had kept myself so busy that I never had a second to think about her and miss her. Although this man was a horrible person he caused me to have to seek professionals that would help me to realize I was dying inside. I learned from this experience how very important meditation is. The benefits meditation offers mentally, emotionally and physically taking a second each day to breath, deeply breath and restore balance to my body. How to quiet all the negative self talk and to just be present with myself, to honor and respect myself. So many people in this world don’t know how to do that and don’t realize how important it is.
“If you haven’t yet felt the peace that meditation can bring you I encourage you to try it.”
Even if you haven’t gone through a traumatic experience like I have we all need balance in our lives. We live in a world filled with beauty and grace in one hand and pain and oppression in the next. It is only through pausing and caring for ourselves that we will survive and thrive on this earth. If you haven’t yet felt the peace that meditation can bring you I encourage you to try it. If you too struggle with feelings and emotions that hold you back or pull you down I want to help you rediscover your strength and find your voice. Most people find it hard to meditate in the beginning so I suggest you start out with just 5-10 minutes a day. Place one hand over your heart and the other hand over your belly. Focus on your breaths filling your entire abdomen holding the breath for 5 seconds and then releasing it for 5 seconds. While focusing on your breathing it will stop you inner thoughts and allow your mind to pause and recover from constantly going. As you learn to focus on your breathing and quieting your mind you can extend your time you meditate.
For more in depth meditation techniques please visit my website at Tinaencarnacion.com